The Matriarch

Three weeks ago I was blessed to offer the eulogy for Pépè. And here we are again to say good-bye to Mémè, the matriarch of our family. 

This is such a bittersweet moment of course. Bitter that we will no longer have the blessing of being in her presence and sweet due to our hope that she is with Pépè in the presence of God.

From the Better Generation

Like Pépè, Mémè grew up with little. Growing up in the Depression, even having to be in an orphanage for a time, it could not have been easy. She often mentioned how little they had. This would impact her throughout her life...she never took the little things for granted. Not wasting things - like using tea bags multiple times - was a non-negotiable to her. 

One of my favorite memories of Mémè was the time she got upset with me for throwing away plastic utensils. It turned into a running joke I had with her for many years - “Mémè are we saving the forks. Mémè are we saving the spoons. Mémè are we saving the used paper plates.” She would always give me the “look” and...a smile. 

I will cherish those memories (I know many of us had such encounters with her) and the lesson of not taking the little things for granted or taking the abundance of goods we have for granted. 

Though they had little growing up she talked about how her family had the gift of faith and family - they had each other. And that’s what was most important. God, husband, children, family and everything else. This is a proper ordering. That truth would frame how she lived her life, as a loving and giving person, and we are all richer because of it.

The Faith

Mémè was like so many of her generation when it came to faith in God. Simple obedience to the Church, fulfilling the Sunday obligation, raising children in the faith, supporting the parish...and so on. Her strong belief in the Church was unwavering. This was simply what you did.  There is wisdom in the simplicity of such living - God is real, He loves us, so give Him what He is due and He will see you through the good and the bad. 

But don’t mistake what I am saying. It’s not that Mémè had a non-questioning faith. Anyone who visited with her knew that she had her struggles with God. 

She lived a long, good life, but saw her share of suffering and of experiencing the pain of watching so many who were close to her pass on, including her son and her husband. This was a tremendous cross for her. But she did not stop believing in God. She did not stop praying. She never stopped giving Him what He was due.

Mémè had a special relationship with Mary, the Blessed Mother, who is our greatest advocate and intercessor. Mémè turned to Mary in times of great difficulty for comfort. She held on tightly to her Rosary beads all the way to the end. We should all be so wise.

The Marriage

At Pépè’s funeral I spoke of the enduring legacy of their marriage and the fruits that came from it. Almost 74 years together - 7 children, 21 grandchildren, 52 great-grandchildren. Is there anything more important than leaving the legacy of so many souls, so many of God’s children. I don’t think so.

I also spoke of Pépè loving to sing to no one more than he loved singing to Mémè. But one of the things I loved most - which I appreciated more and more as I grew up was watching Mémè’s response to his singing - to his sharing stories - to his telling jokes. Sure sometimes there was an eye-roll or her saying “Normand” in a way that only a wife can say a husband’s first name. But most of the time she looked at him with eyes of the beloved. She loved her husband and was devoted to him. 

The day that Pépè passed away Lori and I had a few moments with her at home and I asked her how they had met. I had never heard the story. Her eyes brightened a bit and she talked about how it was through work and that he had a tough time working up the courage to talk to her so he had a friend give her candy from him - but it wasn’t any old candy - this was an important detail for her: it was a chocolate bar! Only the best - and she was proud to note that. And that’s how it began. That’s why we are all here today. 

I, like I believe all us, will miss seeing THEM together. They always made sense together. They truly witnessed the 2 becoming 1 in Christ.

The Home

Mémè was a great homemaker who focused on her children and her home. Her home was warm and welcoming to all. Is there a more important job on the face of this planet than being a homemaker? No way. And Mémè embraced her role to the fullest.

She wanted the best for her children. This started with praying for them - she could be found on her knees every night praying for her kids. Also, it was important to her that her children have a Catholic education even though it meant sacrificing things that she would have liked for her home. She had standards, could be demanding, but not without mercy. 

Her children reflect the best of her - giving, willing to serve and to sacrifice for their families. 

She loved her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. We have all been spoiled by her over the years. Who didn’t look forward to visiting Mémè in hopes of the inevitable cookies, candy or dessert that awaited us. This extended to the great-grandchildren as well. I hope we all have appreciated her love of us. 

Simply put: all her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren were her life.

The Gatherings

And did she love to entertain. Many celebrations for her parents, siblings, and friends were held in her home. How many memories do most of us have of the good ole days at the house on Rhode Island Avenue?!? So much decorations, food, laughter, singing...so much love. Every holiday brought us together and into an experience of what was Mémè’s strength - bringing friends and family together to celebrate the gift of each other. 

And, of course, with those celebrations, especially Christmas and Easter, came gifts.

The Gifts

She loved to shop for her family. She loved to shop period. And she always let you know about the deals!!!

It made her very happy to see us opening gifts and seeing the expression on our faces. It brought joy to her heart. I bet many of us have pictures of our children lining up in front of her and Pépè to receive a present and open it in front of them. Mémè cherished such moments.

I remember in our younger years of being aware of Mémè watching each and every present get opened (never too many at one time!!!). She wanted to be a part of every moment with each of us. 

Sometime the gifts were...well...interesting. Who can forget Big Yank Underwear (inside family joke)!!! I was sharing the other day with my mother that I still have a paper weight that Mémè gave me for Christmas many years ago. It might be one of the ugliest paperweights around...at least as far as paperweights go. 

It is in my office and I would look at it every day and smile, because for me it was a reminder of who had given it and why it was given. It reminds me of the love that Mémè and Pépè had for...all of us. 

The End

The week before Pépè died I decided to drop by and visit with them. Pépè was having a pretty rough day and Mémè was clearly bothered by it. We had a brief moment alone and she asked why God was allowing them to suffer and not taking them. I said that God allows things to happen and usually for a reason tied to His plan...sometimes we learn why and sometimes we do not, but all we can do is trust in Him and His plans for all of us.

It hit me a couple of days ago that maybe - just maybe - one reason God allowed her to stay with us a little longer had to do with the final week or so of her life. So many of us, especially her daughters and daughter/son-in-laws, had special visits with her.

And isn’t that what Mémè always wanted. To be visited. To be surrounded by those she loved.

She simply wanted those she loved to know that she cared for them - through gifts, through gatherings, through a good home, through her children, through her marriage, and through her faith in God. 

And in that way she left us all with the simple lesson: that keeping things in a proper ordering - does not lead to a perfect life or one without suffering - but leads to a life centered on those things which are good and lasting. A life that is worth living.

For that I say thank you Mémè. Thank you for all of it. Until we meet again.